


Dreams Entwined, Hearts Alight

by audbooh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Dreamsharing, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren-centric, Lightsaber Battles, Lucid Dreaming, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, One Shot, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Prophetic Dreams, Romance, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 11:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15266784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audbooh/pseuds/audbooh
Summary: Kylo Ren was a monster. And he knew it.Kylo Ren was sitting on the newly constructed throne. Kylo Ren was commanding his troops, keeping Hux in line. Kylo Ren was ruthless, merciless, and a cold-hearted killer. Kylo Ren was purely the monster the girl from Jakku claimed him to be.But he was not Kylo Ren. Not in that moment. At that moment, after he returned to another Star Destroyer, to the room always carefully constructed for him, after he shut the door and locked it, when he disabled the cameras, where he was alone, he was not Kylo Ren. He was Ben Solo, and he was lost.Ben Solo dreams of a better life. His bond with Rey grows stronger during these quiet moments, until eventually, he has to decide who he really is. Is he Kylo Ren? Or Ben Solo?





	Dreams Entwined, Hearts Alight

**Author's Note:**

> I have no beta and edited this by myself. I hope you enjoy. Once again, I apologise for the weird mixture of American and British English. Also sorry for any formatting errors. Writing in HTML is hard!

Kylo Ren was a monster. And he knew it.

Kylo Ren was sitting on the newly constructed throne. Kylo Ren was commanding his troops, keeping Hux in line. Kylo Ren was ruthless, merciless, and a cold-hearted killer.

Kylo Ren was purely the _monster_ the girl from Jakku claimed him to be.

But he was not Kylo Ren. Not in that moment. In that moment, after he returned to another Star Destroyer, to the room always carefully constructed for him, after he shut the door and locked it, when he disabled the cameras, where he was alone, he was not Kylo Ren. He was Ben Solo, and he was lost.

 

_Was he always separate? Or was the dark a part of him always hidden, just beyond reach? Until it suddenly became clear, the waters calming._

 

Ben sat quietly, his bedsheets cold. He has been in a hundred different rooms that look just like this one. He first inspected his scar in a bathroom like this. He first stayed here after the slaughter of the Temple. He first found sanctuary in a room like this, barely twenty-three and already a killer. As his fingers ran over the soft sheets, he let the tear he had been holding in slip down his cheek. Kylo Ren was never allowed in this room. This room was his own.

Ben Solo and Kylo Ren are separate.

When he slid into his sheets, sleep did not come easily. He tossed and turned, he sat up in the middle of the night, watching the slivers of light dance on his skin. And when he did sleep, nightmares stalked him from every corner.

He dreamt he was in the snowy forest, the dewdrops falling onto his hair. He was not as young as he had been three days ago. He was dressed in his tunic and boots, his cape flowing behind him. His lightsaber was absent.

It went like before. He stumbled upon the dark-skinned 'trooper, upon the girl. But he did not ignite his lightsaber, his face twisted with hate. Instead, he fell to his knees in front of her.

" _Kill me_ ," he asked, calm for the first time in six years. The 'trooper and the girl were in shock. Kylo Ren, pleading for death. " _Kill me. Use that 'saber of yours and slice me in half. End this._ " The two Resistance members exchanged glances, before turning to him.

" _This is a trick_ ," the girl said, and how her voice sounded, lilted with her accent. That Inner Core accent will always belong to her, in his mind. Even after his death. Which will be soon.

" _It's not. I have no weapons. Kill me. End the tyrannical regime of the First Order_ ," he stated his face blank. He has never been surer of anything in his entire life.

" _How do we know this isn't a trick?_ " the 'trooper asked, and he stared into the younger's eyes, filled with fear. But, unlike the first time, there was no rage, no jealousy coursing through his veins. No, he was deadly calm. He was a dead man, and he was as accepting as only a dead man could be.

" _I can only give you my word. But, if you listen, you will hear no Stormtroopers coming to cart you away. You may check for weapons if you wish._ " He raised his arms, and the 'trooper checked for weapons while the girl kept her gun trained on him. He peered into her eyes the entire time. They were golden, brown along the edges, and flecks of green scattered through her irises. The most beautiful eyes he's ever seen.

The 'trooper finished his search, and he dropped his arms. The 'trooper turned to the girl and quietly whispered, " _He's clear. No weapons._ " The girl contemplated before replying.

" _Why should I kill you? You may have valuable information for the Resistance_ ," she said, but he could see that the girl had already made up her mind. He smirked, the corners of his mouth twisting upwards. She was stalling, trying to find an excuse to keep him alive.

" _Because I do not have information that you do not already have. I do not keep track of any First Order operations except my own. And my only mission is to bring you to Snoke. Which I have no plans to complete._ " A twisted thought came to him, and he smiled even more. It would solidify her decision. " _And because I killed Han Solo. In cold blood._ " Her expression twisted in pain. A tiny bit of his heart pained for her. He didn't want to remind her of his horrific actions. But he must die. She held out her hand, and took the lightsaber from the 'trooper, igniting it and raising it above his head.

" _As a traitor to Han Solo's memory, I now pronounce you, Kylo Ren, dead._ " Before he closed his eyes to die, he saw Rey, hiding behind a tree, a mix of horror and confusion on her face. He closed his eyes, and the last thing he felt was the burn of a lightsaber slicing through his neck.

 

_Death is the enemy, his master said. But he is thankful. Death is comforting. When he passes, will he see his father again? He likes to think so._

 

Ben lurched out of bed, gasping and panting. His hand reached for his throat, and he calmed when he saw it was still intact. Sweat covered his body, and the air rushing through his room made him shiver. He opened his eyes and saw Rey, her hand covering her mouth. He took a deep breath. So she wasn't a hallucination inside a dream.

"What...?" Rey whispered, still in shock. He blinked and met her eyes. His hair was matted to his scalp.

"It was a dream," Ben explained. Her eyes whirled on him.

"Are they all like that?" she wondered, turning away from him. Ben wondered if she had forgotten their status. She sounded... concerned for him. Concerned for him after what she could only perceive as a horror. He thought of it as a relief.

"Mostly. The setting changes often," he responded, and she met his gaze again. She was standing at the foot of his bed, still in what he thought was nightclothes. His nightclothes was awfully similar to his workout clothes.

"You go through that... every night?" She ignored his lack of a shirt and, hesitantly, manoeuvred her way onto his bed. The bond was fickle in that it didn't show surroundings. But they could still see furniture. For example, he could sense that she had just climbed onto her own bed.

"Yes. Though they have drastically changed since Starkiller Base," he pondered. He remembered his dreams before Starkiller. Begging Snoke to die, and smiling as he clawed at his throat. Shooting himself in the head after burning the temple to ashes. His uncle slicing through him as he stood over him, the green lightsaber casting a nasty glow.

"Do... do you always die?" She scooted closer, and if she moved inches closer he could touch her through the sheets with his toes. He stayed in his position, his knees drawn to his chest underneath his covers.

"Yes. Sometimes I have a long sleep and die multiple times. The most often is getting cleaved by a lightsaber these days. Though it used to be choking," he said with a clinical tone. Yes, choking. Gasping for breath as Snoke's serpentine fingers wrapped around the air. Clawing at an invisible grip as his lips turned blue. Snoke forcing him to watch himself in the mirror, until black spots appeared in his vision and he died.

"That must be awful," Rey whispered as she settled near him. Has she forgotten their fragile rivalry? Maybe she's been drugged in some way. It's the only explanation why her left hand is inches from him.

"I have become numb to my nightmares over the years. At first, in the dreams, I would fight death, struggle against my untimely end. Now, I simply let go. It makes for some clever new scenarios from my subconscious." He watched as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She was facing the wall to the left of him, studying something he couldn't see. This seemed too tender a moment for right now. Maybe they were more confident in the dark.

"How long has it been since you've had a good dream?" she asked, still facing the wall. He thought for a moment, forcing his memory to remember.

"Six years. It was a dream about my mother. I dreamed we went for a swim in Chandrila's lakes. It was... pleasant." He didn't say that when he had woken up, his uncle was standing over him, with the intent to kill on his face.

"That must've been nice," She murmured, and he found himself tracing the line of her nose with his eyes. Her eyes flittered, and he observed her long lashes. His gaze trailed over her lips, down to her jawline, then up towards her ear.

"It was. Have you had... good dreams?" he asked, knowing full well what kind of dreams she had. On bad days she would dream of her parents, abandoning her on Jakku. On good days she would dream of her stomach full, her skin clear from dust and sand, and her splashing in the ocean, strolling along the beaches of an island. Maybe her dreams had changed from when he had invaded her mind on Starkiller. It might've only been a few weeks, but to him, it felt like a lifetime. Like a million years, compacted into a few days. His heart beat steadily as she composed her answer.

"I... used to dream of an island. Not- anyways, I used to dream of an island. It always was the perfect temperature. Never too hot, and never too cold. I'd be there, sometimes my parents would be there too. But mostly it was me. Alone. But I never felt lonely on the island. I'd play on the beaches, swim in the refreshing ocean. I'd never starve, or feel hungry. The island was my sanctuary," she whispered the last part, her mind halfway to her sanctuary. He watched her, his hands wrapped around his legs, as she closed her eyes and visited the island once more. He saw the slight smile on her face, her eyebrows raised. And the corners of his mouth twitched upwards. She was the closest to peaceful, here, at this moment, then he's ever seen before. Too early, he could feel the bond start to fade. She gave him one last glance as she faded from view, leaving him in his room.

"Rey," Ben Solo whispered to the dark.

 

_What is this fragile peace between them? In a span of a few weeks, his life turned upside down. Why did he think of her when he was alone? Who was she to him?_

 

In the morning, Ben Solo stayed in the room, and Kylo Ren left. He stalked down the halls to his throne room with a regal grace. One fit for a Supreme Leader. He left his weaknesses behind and embraced the monster he had become.

His throne was cold and dark, and it reflected the dark atmosphere of the room. White lights dotted the ceiling, with red undertones on the walls. It was not as overwhelming as Snoke's throne room, but no less fit for the darkness of the First Order.

Hux was standing in front of him, announcing the formalities of the First Order with his whiny voice. Kylo wanted nothing more than to curl his hand into a fist, to wrap invisible fingers around Hux's throat until he died, his eyes bulbous and his lips blue. But he was useful for the statistics and strategy. So he kept him around. Snoke was right about some things, Kylo supposed.

"Supreme Leader?" Hux hesitantly asked. He had soon learned to lose the snark with Kylo, as within his first week as Supreme Leader he had to warn Hux no less than five times. Hux no longer spoke out of turn in fear of Kylo compressing his throat.

"Continue, Hux. Your strategy?" Kylo waved his hand, and Hux gulped in relief. He had never been scared of Kylo before. He was now.

"I was going to suggest that we invade the planets near Crait, to show the galaxy how strong we are," Hux glanced up at Kylo, meek, but with a glint in his eye. Kylo was not stupid. He knew that Hux planned to overthrow him. That would not happen on his watch.

"No. The victory on Crait was due to the Resistance. Concentrate some of your efforts on finding them, and others on quelling rebellions on shaky planets," Kylo saw the anger flash on Hux's face, but he quickly concealed it with a bow. The general was learning. Interesting. He'd have to deal with that later.

"Dismissed," Kylo barked, and Hux retreated from the throne room, leaving him alone.

There was a shatter through the Force, a wave of emotions and turmoil that rocked the steady pulse of the Force. Kylo huffed, stumbling for a bit. It was like an open wound, pulsing and bleeding. Kylo attuned to the wound, and he was shattered to his core.

Leia Organa was dead. His _mother_ was _dead._

He teetered between his two identities. Kylo and Ben. _Who was he, in this trying moment?_ As always, he was weaker with his mother than with his father. He battled with himself until Ben Solo was victorious. Ben rushed out of the throne room and pushed past officers and Stormtroopers before he came to his door. He punched in the code, and it slid open, locking when he entered. Ben unclasped the cloak, and fell onto his bed, throwing his head onto his perfectly-made sheets. His emotions were welling inside him, threatening to overflow if he didn't let them out. Eventually, after lifetimes, decades, years, minutes, seconds, he let go.

Tears streamed down his face as he sobbed. Sobbed for the loss of his mother, the one who brought him into this world. The Force rocked unsteadily as he poured his feelings into his now-wet sheets. His whole body heaved with his crying. A headache started to form at the base of his forehead, and his eyes were sore from his crying. But he couldn't stop. His mother was dead.

He heard stifled cries and turned. There was Rey, with small tears dripping down her face. She saw the pure agony on his face, and her own tears melted away. He saw the sympathy in her expression. If it was anyone else, he would've thrown them across the room for looking at him like that. With her, he bared his soul, let her look into his eyes. She took a few tentative steps towards him, then rushed to him, gathering him in her arms as he cried. He let his emotions go as he cried. She rubbed his back and rocked him as he let go.

 

_What did this mean? He was weak with her, always has been. But they shared a moment, a tender, bonding moment. He opened his soul, and she peeked inside._

 

Ben woke with arms wrapped around his chest and the feeling of breathing on his back. He didn't dare open his eyes, for the fear of this small moment being lost to the Force. For the first time in six years, his sleep was devoid of nightmares. He breathed deeply, in and out. As carefully as he could, Ben turned so he could see Rey, sleeping soundly beside him. They were close, so close that if he was a few inches shorter, their noses would be brushing. Instead, her nose rested on his sternum. The arm that was around him shifted, and he froze. It just rested on his spine, and he relaxed. The light streaming through his blinds highlighted strands of her hair. What would he tell his younger self, if he could see him now? What would the freshly-betrayed Ben Solo say if he saw his future? Ben didn't know. He only hoped that this infinite moment in time cemented itself.

Who was he kidding? This was a rare moment. She only came to him because of the bond, and she only stayed because of her high and mighty virtue. Because by firelight they had promised each other that they would never be alone. But that promise had been broken, shattered like the lightsaber he once thought belonged to him. This was temporary.  
_Enjoy this while you can, Ben_ , a voice that sounded eerily similar to Kylo Ren's mask whispered in his head. _This won't last forever._

True to Kylo's word, Ben opened his eyes to horror plastered on Rey's face. She pushed him away, untangling herself from his sheets, her mouth dropped open in an "o". He watched as she faded away, and he started another day without her.

He took a while to get dressed, stretching out his time in his room as long as he could. He did not want to become Kylo Ren today. He wanted to mourn. Mourn for his mother, who he had still cared for even after turning to the dark side. Mourn for lost chances. Mourn for everything his mother would whisper to him when he was a boy, afraid of the dark.

Ben Solo was an orphan. Ben Solo was parentless.

 

_Ben Solo was alone. Kylo Ren needed nobody. Who was better? The orphan boy who was the galaxy's last hope? Or the monster in the mask who was a killer?_

 

Kylo Ren left his room with a mask on his face. It was not the mask he had once smashed in the elevator. That was lost. He painted a mask on his face, one of cruelty, one of indifference. He often left his room with this mask on. It hid the weak boy underneath. He settled into his throne easily. Only the new Praetorian Guards observed his silent actions.

One would think being the Supreme Leader of the galaxy would be a more demanding job. But Kylo barely had to do anything. He had given his orders, and now he must wait for them to be carried out.

He was never patient.

Kylo debated leaving the throne room to refine the muscles in his body, wrestling with himself. Maybe not, as he had so foolishly ran out yesterday. The better option would show he was still a strong leader. That would require him sitting on his throne. So he chose the latter option.

The interruption the bond gave was a welcome one. He sat up straighter when Rey arrived. She scowled at him, and he remained indifferent.

Inside Kylo Ren, Ben Solo's heart was pounding at the sight of her.

She was talking to someone, patting their forearm as she offered condolences. Ben Solo's shattered heart broke a tiny bit more at the reminder of his mother's death. Kylo Ren furrowed his brow. She kept talking to what seemed like a rotation of people. Ben Solo studied the expression on her face. Kylo Ren started to grow annoyed. Finally, the rotation of mourners left, and she whispered to him.

"Ben, the funeral is at five p.m. Galactic Standard Time in two days. I'll try to open the bond so you can be there. If you hold my hand I think I can project the funeral. I will not give you any hints as to where the Resistance is. Understand?" She gave him a sharp glance, and as always, Kylo Ren retreated at her look.

"I understand," Ben Solo replied, his voice slightly shaking.

"Good," Rey turned away from him, her fake smile beaming at another person, who quickly left.

"Thank you, Rey," Ben whispered, and Rey gave him a glance before she left. The glance gave him hope.

 

_What would his father say? To him? To Ben Solo? Would he have held Ben as he mourned for his mother? Would a tear slip down his cheek as Han Solo mourned the second woman he loved in his lifetime? What would his father do?_

 

Hux sent Ben Solo scurrying into the dark, and Kylo Ren scowled at him as Hux approached the throne.

"Supreme Leader," Hux bowed, looking up at Kylo. "We are having trouble squashing a rebellion on a planet nearby. My troops and I need your guidance. We're having a meeting at four p.m. in two days and would like to request your presence," Kylo Ren was about to say yes, but Ben Solo jabbed at him.

"Request denied," Kylo said, which baffled Hux.

"W-why? Is there a reason you can't come?" Hux stuttered. Kylo felt a smile creep onto his face. It was always nice to make Hux jump through hoops.

"Yes. I'm busy. Perhaps another time," Kylo raised his arm, but Hux interrupted.

"We need your guidance, Supreme Leader. Maybe if we moved the meeting?" Hux pleaded. Ben Solo hated the way the Inner Core accent sounded on Hux's tongue. Kylo Ren appreciated the way Hux snivelled.

"Three days from now," Kylo snarled and Hux nodded eagerly.

"It will be done, Supreme Leader," Hux bowed again. Kylo did not miss the glimmer of anger in his eyes.

 

_Why did he let Hux stay? Was it Kylo Ren's merciless nature? But what of Ben? What did he think of his life now? Being Supreme Leader has never felt so lonely._

 

Ben dreamed again that night.

They were in the elevator, gliding up to see Snoke. Rey took a step towards him, telling him of the light side. Of her vision. Her eyes raked up and down his body.

" _I saw something too_ ," Ben said, his voice soft, " _And because of what I saw I know that you'll be the one to turn_ ," he paused, before deciding to reveal his vision. " _Rey. I saw who your parents are._ " She did a double take, her eyes on his. His eyes zeroed in on her lips. They looked so beautiful, so soft. He wanted to ignore the First Order, the Resistance. He wanted to pretend they weren't on a First Order elevator.

He wanted to _kiss her._

The revelation startled him. When did he fall for her? When did he, Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, fall for Rey, the scavenger? Maybe it was after she left him in the snow, the scar fresh. When he realised how powerful she was. Maybe it was when he saw how affected she was when the Force connected them after his workout. Maybe it was when their hands brushed after they had told each other how they were no longer alone. Maybe it was when he saw her in the escape pod, with her new clothes and her eyes staring up at him. Maybe it was right now.

But before he could close the gap between them, the doors opened, and the rest of the interaction with Snoke seemed to go in fast forward. Because next thing he knew, Snoke was dead, and he flicked his fingers, sending the lightsaber flying. Rey's hand shot out, catching the 'saber midflight. As he intended.

Their fight was poetry in motion, symmetry on the highest level. He felt like he was walking on air like he was floating on clouds, high on his own glee. He was here, with Rey, and everything was right. But his stomach dropped, and he was reminded of what happened after the battle.

" _The fleet!_ " Rey cried out, rushing towards the window. He breathed heavily as he stared at his fallen master's corpse. " _We have to save the fleet!_ " Rey turned to him, and he turned to her. " _Ben?_ " she said. He dropped to his knees and held the lightsaber in front of him.

" _Go. Go and save your friends. I'll stay here, make sure that Hux isn't suspicious. Go_ ," he found himself saying. He didn't want this to end the way it had the first time. Not again. Rey took the 'saber but didn't move beyond that.

" _Ben, come with me. With the knowledge that you killed Snoke, you might be pardoned. I'll speak up for you. Please don't leave me alone again._ " A tear slipped down her face as she took his hand. Ben made a split-second decision.

He kissed her. Stood up and dragged his mouth along hers. It was rough and passionate and it conveyed every feeling he had. She responded eagerly, her lips sliding across his. " _Stay safe, sweetheart. Take Snoke's escape craft. He won't be needing it."_ They rested their foreheads against each other.

" _Ben..._ " Rey whispered, but it wasn't a protest. Just a promise.

" _Rey_ ," Ben murmured back. She kissed him once again, chaste and full of promise. Then she took the lightsaber and left. He watched her go. Then everything faded to black.

 

_Was that the best scenario? Was that the best way? Would he ever feel her soft lips against his skin? He didn't know. Nothing was certain with her._

   


Ben woke quietly. There was no shout, no cry. He wasn't drenched in sweat. It was the most peaceful dream he's had in six years. A single tear slipped down his cheek, but that was all. He smiled when he saw that bright light was streaming through the window. Then his mood darkened. It was only a dream. And today...

Today was his mother's funeral.

Ben knew he could take a day off. After all, he was his own superior. So he dedicated his day to passing the time until 5 o'clock.

He left his room to go to the gym. Pushed himself to his limit, and more. He tried to block out the pain of knowing today was the day his mother was going to be buried.

And he couldn't even go to the funeral.

He ate after a while, then drowned himself in paperwork. Something he had been avoiding until now. Something Kylo Ren had been avoiding. But Ben Solo liked putting his calligraphy skills to use.

He cooked himself lunch, a tasty soup made from ingredients from multiple planets. He wasn't sure if it would taste good. It exceeded standards. He scratched the recipe into his cookbook for further use.

Soon, it's five. He put on his best suit and stayed in his room. Sure enough, on the minute mark, there's Rey. He had been meditating (something Kylo loathes) in his room, begging the Force to let him attend the funeral. She's dressed beautifully. He doesn't say so. Her expression is solemn. His is too.

Rey took his hand, and the Force seemed to sing. It seemed the universe is taking pity on him today because as soon as he took Rey's hand Ben's transported to a planet with rolling grey clouds and green grass.

It's Alderaanean culture to be cremated outside, and have their ashes thrown into a body of water. It's also Jedi culture to be cremated. Ben watched as a small parade marched down two columns of Resistance members. It's beautiful. Rey squeezed his hand, and he realised he's crying.

Someone was singing a thrilling rendition of the Alderaanean funeral march. The music reached a crescendo as Leia Organa's ashes are marched down, held by Poe Dameron. Ben felt a stab of jealousy. He should be marching his mother's ashes down to the lake. It's quickly replaced by sorrow when he realised he no longer had the right to march her ashes.

The music calmed down as they reached the lake. Some of the Resistance is crying. Some are made of stone, like Rey and Ben. He felt a sense of peace wash over him. The ashes are scattered over the lake, and the wind carried them to their destination. The music stopped. The funeral is over.

"Goodbye Mom," Ben whispered to the ashes. He could almost swear he heard Leia whisper back.

Ben faced Rey, and he thought she had a sad smile on her face.

"Thank you, Rey. Thank you," Ben said, his voice shuddering with emotion.

"You're welcome," Rey responded quietly. They nodded to each other, one final salute before he let go of her hand and the scene melted away. The bond was shut.

 

_Has he ever been truly alone? He had his place. Somewhere he belonged. But he had always felt alone until he whispered words to a lonely girl sitting by the fire._

 

Ben's dreams were unpleasant that night. Filled with images of his mother, dying at his hand. Dying at Snoke's hand. Rey had said she passed peacefully in her sleep. Then, they shifted.

Ben dreamed of an island. Not dreary or rainy, but bright. The grass was a pure green, and the ocean was the colour of the sky. The island had caves near the beaches, bright sand and bright sun. It looked like paradise. It was paradise.

Ben was on the beach. He stuck out like a sore thumb, with his tunic and boots, his hair messy and wild. A light breeze swept through the island, cool enough so he didn't overheat, but warm enough he didn't freeze.

A small girl was playing in the water. Ben watched her with a smile on his face. She had three buns, like Rey. He found himself walking up to her, and her amber eyes lit up at the sight of him. He bent down, and she fell into his arms, laughing.

" _Hey princess_ ," Ben found himself saying. She giggled and spat out gibberish words. " _I see you're still learning to speak_." She nodded, then lifted her arms. He stood up, and picked her up, carrying her with one arm.

" _Where's your mom, sweetie?_ " Ben tickled the girl as he spoke, and she laughed, then pointed towards a cave. " _Oh, the secret cave I see. Let's go ambush her._ " The girl smiled, and he put her down. They made their way to the nearest cave. The girl snickered, and he shushed her. Her smile was as bright as the sun. It filled his chest with... something.

A woman was squatting near a cluster of rocks, observing them carefully. She poked at one rock, then at another. The girl glanced towards Ben, then pointed at the woman. He nodded, and the girl barrelled towards her mother at lightspeed, knocking her over. They laughed as they tangled in the sand before the woman turned to Ben. He gasped.

It was Rey. Sure, she looked older, with a few more lines on her face, but it was her, dressed in the clothes they fought Snoke in. Her hair was down, with the one solitary ponytail tied in the back. She looked as radiant as when he first saw her. And when Rey saw him, she beamed.

" _Hey sweetheart_ ," he said, and she smirked at him.

" _Hey darling_ ," she said back, and they embraced. He leaned in for a kiss, before being interrupted by... his daughter, pushing at their legs, begging to be picked up. Ben reached down and hoisted his daughter into the air, snuggling her in between them.

They sat down in the cave, and Rey and Ben watched their daughter poke at the rocks while holding each other.

 

_Dreams are fickle. Dreams are psychotic. Dreams are what you want. But did he want this? Or did she want this?_

 

Ben woke to find Rey at his bedside again. She was doing her best to ignore him, but as always, when your every movement is amplified, she was doing a poor job.

"I saw your dream," she stated when he sat up. He traced the curve of her spine with his eyes.

"Did you now? Which one?" Ben said, and she whirled on him.

"All of them. I can't stop seeing your dreams. Every nightmare you have, I'm there. Every dream of your mother dying, I'm there. When you steal away my sanctuary and fill it with fantasies, I'm there," she spat. He hummed to himself. His knowledge of Force bonds was limited, so he wasn't sure, but he voiced his thoughts anyway.

"Is this a side effect of the bond?" he theorised. Rey snarled at him.

" _Stop._ I don't care. Just stop stealing my island! And filling it with... weird kinks or whatever! That's my secret. And leave me out of your dreams," she shouted, and he whipped his head to glare at her.

"Do you think I have control of my dreams? I do not! I am just a passenger, along for the ride. I can't control them, I can't control where they are set. I can't control who appears in them. Otherwise, don't you think I would've stopped the torture of my nightmares years ago?" he growled, and she blinked. Obviously, she hadn't thought of that. As always with a scavenger, she thought only of herself. Ben idly wondered if she was really a good Jedi. They're supposed to be selfless.

"Well, can you at least try? Maybe there's some dark side power that can use the Force to manipulate dreams?" she pondered, and he shook his head.

"It doesn't work like that," Ben said, and she shrugged her shoulders. They were silent, no words spoken.

"Did you ever analyse your dreams? Someone once told me that dreams are the wishes of the subconscious. Maybe you should-" Rey started, but Ben scowled.

" _No._ I had no need to. In all of my dreams before Starkiller, I dreamt only of death. I felt no need to analyse that. I knew what I wanted." Rey gave him a look. Full of pity. Both of them knew what he wanted, back then.

"Yes, but after Starkiller-" Rey said. Before Starkiller. After Starkiller. Maybe he should make a new calendar. Measure his years by that fact. After all, Starkiller was his turning point.

"After Starkiller, I no longer care about my dreams," he said. But even as he said it, he knew it wasn't true. Because, every night after Starkiller, he dreamed of her. His dreams were full of her hazel eyes, dark hair, strong expressions. He dreamed of her in a thousand different ways. And he felt all the more weakened for it. There was silence once again. Minutes passed where they stared at the wall, the ceiling, anything but each other.

"Why did the dream-sharing start now? As opposed to when the bond first started?" Rey said, and Ben hummed.

"Maybe it has strengthened since then." His eyes were fixtured on a point on the ceiling. How many grooves were on the walls? He would count them all to not look at her. She shuddered.

"That's _terrifying_ ," she said without thinking, then Ben saw her silently chastise herself. "I'm sorry. But I don't want this bond to be any stronger. We are enemies, after all." Yes. They were enemies. But they seemed to forget every time they saw each other.

"I'd rather get rid of it," she lied.

"Me too," he lied back.

 

_How close had they gotten? How close was too close? Every time he saw her his heart skipped a beat. He knew the truth of their relationship. She was a goddess, and he fell to his knees before her._

 

Kylo Ren twirled a stylus as he barely listened to the meeting Hux was leading. The other officers were there too, and they looked fairly nervous at the sight of their Supreme Leader in their presence. One young officer caught Kylo's eye, then turned away in fear.

Ben Solo wondered if they knew he was only twenty-nine. Kylo Ren revelled in their fear.

Hux finished the presentation, and Kylo hummed to himself, then stood up.

"I'll lead the attack force. It'll confuse the rebels, and it'll give the distraction your special forces need to invade the command centre." Kylo glared at Hux with a crooked grin on his face. Hux nodded.

"That would be perfect. Thank you, Supreme Leader." Hux gave Kylo the datapad with the plans and kept speaking. Kylo left, to his chamber.

Settling on the throne, he tapped into the Force, drawing strength from the Force. He thought of his grandfather's mask, burnt and melted, with its grotesque features, staring into his soul. Would his grandfather be angry? Or proud?

The sounds of the throne room silenced suddenly, and Kylo Ren retreated.

Ben Solo stared into Rey's eyes as she appeared before him. There was something wrong with the fact that he was the one on the throne and she was the one appearing before him.

"Yes, Poe, I'll get that immediately," she said, glancing at something near his hand. Rey caught Ben's eye and slightly shook her head. _Not right now. Try to close it._

Kylo Ren didn't want to close it. He could use this information to find the location of the Resistance.

Ben Solo tried his hardest to shut the bond. Rey nodded, a smile plastered on her face. She glared at him. _Hurry up._ He closed his eyes, delving into his own mind. The Force was fighting back. He focused on the strange feeling in the back of his head, the feeling that came with the bond. He concentrated on severing it, breaking it apart. The Force didn't budge. How did she do it, that day on Crait? How did she shut the bond along with the Falcon door? A door! Ben imagined a wall, caging the feeling. He imagined an open door, with a sliver of light passing through. He imagined walking up to the door and shutting it. Rey disappeared, and the sounds of the throne room came back to life.

He had closed the bond.

 

_Did the Force push them together? Or was it their own doing? Was the frequent bonding strengthening what they both thought they didn't want? Did he really want to know?_

 

Kylo Ren's cape flew behind him as he strode down the ramp to the battle, which was already a bloodbath. He shed the cape and took his lightsaber off the clip. Kylo Ren ignited the lightsaber, it's crackling sparks falling onto the plant life below. He roared and charged into the fray.

Kylo Ren was unmatched. It was a slaughter, and he felt more and more alive with each kill. Or did he?

More rebels came to support the dead troops, and Kylo Ren wore a wicked grin as he charged at them, his lightsaber protruding outward. As he was about to charge into one rebel, a blue strike stopped him in his tracks. A sound of screeching blades of light echoed throughout the valley. The rebels cheered.

The last Jedi had joined the battle.

Rey was fierce as she attacked, with strong blows that forced Kylo to go on the defensive. He was fighting on pure muscle memory now because his mind was blank at the sight of her.

She had her eyes furrowed, and a determined look on her face. Still dressed in the clothes he last saw her in, Rey whirled her lightsaber with a ferocity he had only seen twice. Once, when they exchanged blades in the snowy forest, and twice when they twirled around each other against the Praetorian Guards. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Kylo parried her strike and pulled her into a blade-lock. It was pure strength now, his against hers. She pushed against his blade with her entire strength. He twirled out of it, and he was once again on the defensive. He fought halfheartedly, deflecting attacks, never going on the offensive. Rey seemed to know this, as she increased the intensity of her attacks. Kylo glanced around and saw an opening. He sliced, barely missing her then turned and ran into the forest. She growled and followed him.

Kylo twisted around the mushroom-like trees, weaving in and out of the trunks. Rey followed, vaulting over downed trees like a deer. They ran for ten minutes, before coming to a clearing.

Rey stopped at the sight of Kylo, skidding to a halt. He was panting from the run, hair wild across his face. Rey aimed her lightsaber, then charged at him.

Kylo knew what he had to do.

He sidestepped her vault, then went on the offensive. She blocked his attempts, and soon they were close, so close he could feel her breathing on his neck, lightsabers crossed in front of them. He thumbed his 'saber and deactivated it. She looked surprised, then did the same. All in the span of a second or two.

Kylo shoved Rey into a mushroom tree and wrapped his hand around the back of her neck. She arched her back to reach up to him, and he dragged his mouth across hers. They were softer than he ever expected. But he enjoyed the feeling that it gave him. His insides were alight, burning. And he loved it.

Rey twisted her arm around him and reversed their positions. He groaned as his back slammed into the tree, but it was quickly muffled by her kiss. It was fire, scorching and hot. She raked her nails across his tunic, hiking her leg up to his hips. They broke apart, their noses only centimetres away from each other. Kylo panted heavily, and Rey's breath was hot against his lips.

He started to lean into her again when they heard shouts. She pulled away from him like he was hot to the touch. He panted, out of breath, as she scampered away. His face was flushed, and he was pretty certain he was blushing.

A couple of Stormtroopers burst through the clearing, searching for the Jedi that had run away. Kylo waved them off, and he went to join the battle once more.

 

_Did he imagine that? Her scorching kiss only solidified her place in his mind. He was, as always, her worshipper, and she was his goddess. But did she take pity on his mortal form? Or did she turn him to ash?_

 

Ben dreamed many times that night. But one dream stuck with him.

He was on the island again, walking up ancient steps, carrying his daughter on his back. She squirmed a bit but calmed when he spoke. So he talked. He told stories, stories of her grandparents. Of her grand-uncle. Of a lonely boy on a farm who rose to greatness.

He never talked about his past with her. He only told stories about his mother, his father, his uncle. Never about her other grandparents, dead long ago. Or her great-grandparents, and their tragic love story. No, her stories always had happy endings. He made sure of that.

" _Dada_ ," his daughter babbled, and he tickled her feet, causing her to laugh from her carrier. In one hand he carried a box of fish. The other, his daughter's toys.

" _Mama?_ " his daughter asked. He turned to the sky, looking for that telltale streak of blue that meant his wife was home. But there were only clear skies.

" _Still adventuring, sweetie. Mama will be home soon_ ," he responded, and his daughter hummed her discontent. His wife always said she got it from him. They'd laugh at that. When she was home.

He opened the door to the small hut they called home and unclipped the carrier. He pulled his daughter off of his back and onto the floor. One of her buns had come undone.

" _Come here, sweetie_ ," he said, and she stood patiently as he tried to redo the buns. After a minute or two, it was back in its place. His daughter waddled away, before planting onto the floor to play with her toys. He watched for a while, then turned to the kitchen, grabbing a pot and pouring water into it. He heard her murmurs as she played with her toys, and he tossed ingredients into the pot, which simmered on impact.

" _Where are you?_ " he whispered as he looked out the window, searching the skies for his adventurous wife.

 

_His dreams. What were they? He didn't have them before her. Did she change him? His fundamental beliefs gone, because of her._

 

Ben's days passed without incident, after the forest. But his mind was occupied. Alone at night, he would replay his memories of the forest, over and over, wondering what would've happened. What if they were never interrupted? What if they kept going? What did they really feel?

Ben slid his tunic over his chest when he felt the ripple in the Force. He sucked in a breath. She was here.

Rey met his eyes when he turned towards her. There was something in the air, something that wasn't there before their time in the forest. How beautiful she looked, right at this moment. His heart skipped a beat, a blush coming to his cheeks. How she made him feel.

"Ben," Rey stated, her resolve as strong as ever. Was she even affected the same as him? The slight colour to her cheeks may say so. But he didn't know. She was as uncertain as the wind, as the ocean, as everything he had ever known.

"Hello." Ben sounded more strong than he felt. She brought her foot forward but then stepped back. He felt disappointment, but from what, he didn't know.

"You've been having more dreams," she said, and he bowed his head, unable to meet her gaze.

"Yes," he responded, not daring to say more. He remembered how she reacted last time, and he didn't want another repeat of the encounter. He felt slender fingers touching his chin, lifting it, and he let them. Ben gazed into Rey's eyes.

"It's okay," she murmured, and he breathed a sigh of relief. It was okay. She didn't blame him. She didn't resent him. His heart sung.

He saw her close her eyes, and inch closer to him. His brain short-circuited, a flash of connection destroying his thoughts. He parted his lips, and his mouth moved without his permission, blurting out words that he didn't want to say.

"I thought we had decided the bond was a bad idea," Ben said, and Rey opened her eyes, stopped moving closer. Her grip on his chin left, and he mourned the loss of warmth. His body yearned for her touch. Smite him. Kill his soul. Bend him and break him until only the worshipper remained.

"We did," she said, her voice ice cold. His stomach clenched, fear and warmth pulsed through it. Ben saw the gears moving in her head. "So let's meet in person. I'll see you in two days, at these coordinates." She waited a moment as he grabbed a datapad, then she recited the coordinates, his fingers flying across the screen.

"That's an asteroid field," Ben stated, and she nodded.

"Nobody will find us there. Bring only yourself. If I see anyone else, I'll shoot you on sight," she commanded, and he was weak at the knees at her tone.

"Agreed," he said.

"Agreed," she said.

 

_It occurred to him that it was a trap. A false promise. But Ben was the weakest person he had ever met, and so he was determined to meet her. Was he weaker because of it?_

 

The waves crashed against the shore, licking his boots. The sun shined brightly, and in his tunic, he felt the hint of the sun against his back. The wind blew across the island, tousling his hair. The feeling of a weight on his chest made him look down, and he saw his daughter, strapped to his chest. She looked smaller than before, younger. His experience with babies was limited, but for some reason, he knew that she was three months old.

Another wave slid against the sand, and he held the carrier with one hand as he stepped away from the water.

" _Where should we go?_ " he asked, and his daughter kicked her feet in reply. He chuckled, a sound that seemed to calm the baby. He started his trek, going south, towards what looked like a small village. He walked along the beach, teetering between the waves and the sand. His boots crunched as he went, the water washing over them, not soaking them but certainly getting them wet. But he was not concerned with his boots, he found. His main concern was his daughter. Was she too cold? Was the light breeze making her shiver? Was she hungry, did she need a diaper change, was she sleepy? These questions settled in the back of his mind, always there, but out of focus. Soon, they made it to the village. The townspeople gave them looks as they entered the village, wary but not outright hostile. He instinctually placed a hand on his daughter, feeling calmer when he could feel her body underneath his hand. She shifted in her carrier, and her small hands rested on his chest. He waved to someone, the feeling of familiarity coursing through him. He stopped at a small stall in what looked like a market, the feeling of someone watching him permeating through his body.

" _Hey, Jernis. Running out of supplies_ ," he said, and the shopkeeper (Jernis?) chuckled in reply.

" _That's what happens with babies. How is she?_ " Jernis asked, and Ben smiled and looked down at his daughter before replying.

" _Good. She's growing really fast_ ," Ben replied, and Jernis's expression grew fond when his eyes rested on Ben's daughter.

" _I remember that feeling, with my first. Never grows old._ " Jernis bent down to grab some more supplies before stuffing them into a bag, which Ben grabbed easily.

" _Say hi to the husband and kids for me_ ," Ben said and Jernis nodded. Ben walked away, groceries in hand. His daughter fussed in her carrier.

" _Do you want to stop at the fountain?_ " he whispered, and she kicked his chest again. Ben spotted the fountain he somehow knew was there, and he strolled over, placing the groceries down then unstrapping the carrier. He pulled his daughter out of the carrier, gentle as always. He sat down, and placed his daughter on his lap, holding her as she observed the world around her, her amber eyes wide. The feeling of being watched lingered, and Ben closed his eyes, centring himself in the Force. He searched within the Force for the presence of the person watching him. First, he noticed the Force signature of his daughter, strong and sure, a mixture of both light and dark. Then, he stretched outwards, before finding a familiar signature. He glanced upwards towards the signature, finding someone who didn't belong in the dream, an invader. It was Rey, an expression of shock on her face as she observed Ben's dream. But this wasn't the Rey of his dream, the older woman in the sand. This was the Rey of today, the Rey he knew. As soon as Ben met her gaze she scampered away, and he returned to his daughter, holding her upwards.

His daughter's laugh echoed through the dream.

 

_The dream. He had never had a single subject matter flow through his dreams. And yet, his subconscious was focused on this fantasy of the orphan father and his daughter, waiting for the woman in the stars._

 

Ben opened his eyes in the dark to see Rey, once again beside him. But Ben was not in his temporary bed, no, he had fallen asleep at the helm of the ship. So Rey sat beside him, at the co-pilot's seat. He felt her presence over the bond but did not turn to look. Instead, his eyes settled on the streaks of blue that came from lightspeed.

"Your dreams..." Rey trailed off, and Ben felt a burst of uncertainty from her.

"Did you not know what they were about?" he asked, and he saw in his peripheral vision that she turned to face him.

"I'd never stay for the entirety. Who's the little girl?" she asked, and Ben chuckled. She really hadn't stayed.

"My daughter," he replied, and he could feel the shock course through her.

"Your daughter? You have a daughter?" she asked, incredulous. The streaks of blue seemed to turn white before his very eyes.

"No, not outside the dream. If you wanted to be more specific, she's our daughter," Ben responded, and Rey gasped out loud. Was she really this naive? he found himself thinking.

"You... made up our daughter? In your dream?" she asked, and he nodded yes. "Why?"

"I have no idea. I have never been in control of my dreams, as I have previously stated," Ben said, his eyes still on the stars. He felt a small hand on his arm, and he turned to Rey.

She was curled on the chair, balling herself upon the surface. Her hand was grazing his arm, soft fingers tracing the material. Her expression was serious and yet light. How was it that she turned naiveté into hope? He probably would never know. After all, he was forever cynical, never idealistic.

"Where are you?" Rey whispered, and Ben knew she wasn't talking about a physical place. He locked eyes with her, and for a few minutes, they were frozen, never saying a word.

"Do you think the bond is getting stronger?" Rey asked, and Ben thought for a moment. Evidence suggested it was, as previously they had never invaded each other's dreams. The bond lasted longer now, giving them more minutes. Did he want to be connected to his enemy for the rest of his life? Would she be his enemy for the rest of his life? Ben was too afraid to ponder that question.

"Yes," he replied, and her hand left his arm, returning to her side. He found that he missed the warmth it gave him. He missed the warmth that his imaginary daughter gave him. How could he care for a person that didn't exist?

"What if," Rey started, her voice full of both concern and curiosity, "your dreams are prophecies? Visions of the future?" Ben hummed, pondering the thought. His grandfather had had visions of the future. One of them led to his ascent to the dark side. His uncle had visions, of his friends, dying and hurt. Both of those had come true. It was entirely possible that Ben could have inherited that aspect of the Force.

"It's possible," Ben replied, and he heard Rey take a shuddering breath. He turned away from her and glanced at the streaks of stars whizzing past him once again.

He tried to think of it from Rey's point of view. A few weeks ago, she had been a scavenger, living on a dusty planet. Now, she had discovered a strange power within her, and her enemy was telling her that they would eventually have a future together. It was world-shaking. But, for a reason, Ben couldn't quite explain, he knew that she would land on her feet, that her strength would help her get through anything.

"How far away are you?" she asked, and Ben quickly glanced at his dashboard.

"A day," he responded, feeling the bond start to fade.

"See you there," Rey said, and soon, Ben was alone in the cockpit, with nothing but him and the stars.

 

_He knew that he was different when he was near her. But compare his two lives, and he found vast caverns, so polar opposite he sometimes wondered if they were the same person._

 

Fear flooded through him as he desperately searched for his daughter. Where was she? A sharp punch to the gut made him collapse to his knees. The waves crashed against his head, and he choked on the salty water. He called out for his child, but the only reply was the sound of the ocean against his ears. He screamed and screamed, the water in front of him distorting.

A painful grip on his head hoisted him upwards, and he coughed as he struggled to breathe, to force the water in his lungs out. His hair was plastered to his face, effectively blinding him.

" _Where is the last Jedi, traitor?_ " a familiar sniffling voice spat in his ear, and Ben growled in response.

" _Where's my daughter you sick-_ " Ben was forced underwater again, and the rest of his sentence was lost to the waves as he struggled against the grip that held him. Ben thrashed in the water, but his hands were tied behind his back. The water soaked his clothes, his skin. The grip forced his head above water, and Ben coughed the water out of his lungs.

" _I'm not going to ask you again. Where is the last Jedi?_ " the voice asked, and Ben struggled against his bonds. There was a sharp kick to his back, and Ben groaned in pain.

" _I'd never tell you_ ," Ben responded, and he heard the sound of a tongue clicking in his ear.

" _Wrong answer_ ," the voice said, and Ben's head was pushed underwater. Ben closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on the Force, on harnessing it. But the crashing waves gave him no reprieve, and soon he was jerked upward again.

" _Maybe you need a little persuasion. Bring the girl_ ," the voice commanded, and the grip on his body forced him to turn around, so he was facing the beach. Ben blinked the water out of his eyes to see his daughter, struggling against a Stormtrooper's grip.

" _Daddy!_ " she called out, fear lacing her tone. Ben felt his heart break at her panic.

" _It's okay, sweetheart! It's going to be okay_ ," Ben said, his gut wrenching at the sight of his daughter in distress.

" _If you don't tell us where she is, I'll flay the skin off of your daughter, piece by piece, until you tell us_ ," the voice said, and Ben felt anger course through him.

" _If you hurt her, I'll kill you, Hux. I'll skin your hide and feed it to the-_ " Ben's body was forced below water once again, and he closed his eyes to keep the sting away. He breathed as he was allowed above water once again.

" _Let's try this again. Where. Is. Rey?_ " Hux asked, and Ben saw the tears streaming down his daughter's face. And his resolve broke.

 

_Nightmares. They haunted him, followed him, a shadow he couldn't break. His worst fears came true in his mind. How did he fear what he did not have?_

 

Ben lurched out of bed, a scream dying on his lips. He shook as he cried, his dream still fresh in his mind. The feelings that had been coursing through him felt so real. He really had felt the panic as he fought against torture, the despair when he saw his daughter held by the enemy. He had tasted salt on his lips, felt the cool water wash over his skin. It had felt so real.

Ben felt sweat covering his body, his heart rate jacked up. He breathed heavily for a few minutes, a few tears slipping down his face, following the trail of his scar. His scar. It felt like a part of him now, a birthmark earned by a birth of fire. It was a piece of him, yes, but also a reminder. A reminder of Rey.

Ben left his bed, his feet touching the cold metal of the floor. He wandered towards the refresher, his hands still shaking. He stripped down and entered the refresher, washing the remains of his nightmare away. The hot water battered against his skin, turning it pink. He concentrated on breathing deeply, on calming his body. After a minute, he got out of the refresher, wrapping a towel around his waist. Ben stared into the foggy mirror, his reflection cloudy, before leaving the room.

He slid on his clothes, then sat down on his bed. His throat was raw, from the waves or from his screams, he wasn't sure. Ben felt unable to move, his strength gone. Instead, he listened to his own breathing. Space was silent, so he was alone in making a sound. Until he wasn't until he heard soft breathing, amplified and loud in the silence of space.

He didn't dare look up, didn't dare see her face. He knew what it would remind him of. It would remind him of his dream, of his imaginary daughter's screams for help.

"I saw your dream," Rey whispered, and he clenched his fist. Her tone was cautionary, unsure. Like she didn't want to upset him. Too late. He was upset.

When he didn't respond, Rey shuffled next to him. He studied the small grooves on the floor, counting the scratches and scuff marks.

"It looked horrifying," Rey started, seemingly ignoring his unresponsive form, "I've been tortured before, but never like that. And it looked so real... Like I was actually there like there actually was a little girl and the First Order was actually there. I've never had dreams like that. Mine were always vague emotions, I guess. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Maybe-"

"Shut _up!_ " Ben interrupted, slamming his fist against the headboard. He breathed raggedly as Rey fell silent beside him, "Just shut up! I know how bad it was. Nothing can fix that. But don't pretend to know what it feels like. Don't pretend that you can fix it with your words. I'd give anything to have you be able to fix it. But you can't, Rey. So don't try." Ben turned to Rey, shock on her face. She must've seen the anger in his eyes, because she backed away, standing up. He saw that her hands were curled into fists.

"I'm just trying to help you! You're so self-destructive, never allowing anyone to help. ' _Oh, I'm Ben Solo, and even though I'm evil, I'm still talking to a girl on the light side. I'm so evil I cry when I think about my mother. Some people can help me, but I won't let them, because I'm evil and I'm the Supreme Leader and I love my grandfather so much that I'm perverting his memory! Oh boy, I can't wait to slaughter some people today, Grandfather must be so proud! I even have a nickname, just like him! Just because he turned to the light side before he died doesn't mean I have to! And, when I had the chance to turn my life around after I killed my master, I still kept to the dark side! I can't let go of the past, no matter how much I preach it! Wow, I hope I have nightmares and slowly torture myself each day! I'm so happy here, I could die in my sleep after my general poisons me! What a great time I'm having!_ '" Rey mocked, lowering her voice to mimic him, "Listen, Ben. You have people who care for you. And as much as you want to pretend you aren't loved, you are. The dark side of the Force isn't the only way. I've sensed the light in you. If anything, our interactions are proof you can be kind and compassionate and not just the cruel mask you paint for yourself," Rey's tone turned softer as she continued, "You can be better than what you are. I know you're good. You don't have to cling to your past just because it's the only life you've ever known. But if you want to keep pretending that you are as cruel as your general, or Snoke, then don't let me stop you." Rey turned away from him, angry. But Ben's anger was lost, faded away. Instead, he was left with awe. With wonder. If anyone else had spoken to him like that, he would've torn their head off. But instead, he was amazed. Ben opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, the bond faded away, taking Rey with it.

 

_She peered into his soul, translated his heart. But she hadn't seen what he had. Hadn't done what he had. He was a boy in a monster's mask. But maybe the boy was a mask too._

 

He fell to his knees, fire warming his face. His eyes were wide as he stared at the fallen temple, burning to ashes.

" _What have I done?_ " he cried out, his voice shaky. His hands twitched at his sides. He could still hear the screams of his fellow Padawans, of the younglings.

" _What you had to, dear apprentice_ ," a voice whispered in his head, " _The Jedi temple had to fall, so you could rise._ " But he was horrified at what he had done. A piece of the temple fell into the fire, and the blast sent heat coursing through the air. He shied away from the heat of the fire, covering his face to protect it.

" _I'm... a monster_ ," he said, desolate. This was murder. He had just murdered his friends, people he had been around for months. His uncle. He murdered his uncle.

" _Yes, you are_ ," the serpentine voice said, comforting and yet ghastly. He watched the temple burning, the light illuminating his deeds. " _And now, apprentice, you come to me. Take your uncle's shuttle, and meet me here._ " Coordinates entered his mind, clear and sharp. He stood up, his hands bloodied and dirty, and walked past the temple to go to the shuttle. He stepped over bodies, over splinters of wood. His mind was in turmoil, trying to come to terms with what he had done. He entered the shuttle, his breathing erratic. His friends, his family, his peers. Dead.

" _Calm yourself, young Solo_ ," the voice whispered, " _Your uncle is alive. Hurry, child, or this will all be for nought._ " He rushed onto the shuttle, firing up the engine and punching in the coordinates. He thanked his father for the ability to fly. His father. His mother. His breathing quickened again as he thought of his parents. They would be ashamed, would be disappointed, would be so upset with his actions, with this. But then he thought of his childhood, how they were scared of him. Listening to quiet arguments about him, his power. They spoke about killing him, murdering him because of his potential. And he grew angry again.

" _Yes, child. Use that anger. Focus it towards finding me_ ," the voice whispered, gravelly and harsh. He steered the shuttle towards the stars, pulling the hyperdrive lever. Soon the stars were shooting past him as the shuttle entered lightspeed. He relaxed, leaning back in his seat. He got up and looked into the small mirror in the refresher room.

His hair was matted to his skin, covered in sweat, ash, and dried blood. His skin was dotted with ash and blood, splatters of it, none belonging to him. His hands were covered in blood and sweat. His eyes looked wild, scared. And he hated that. His eyes zeroed in on the small Padawan braid resting on his shoulder. And he was overcome with anger once again. Spotting a small knife, he picked it up and cut the braid, throwing it into the trash.

He landed at a small planet, unnamed in the shuttle's database. It was flush with forests, tropical and bright. He waited outside the shuttle, holding his arms to his chest. But there was nobody here.

" _Hello?_ " he called out. But there was no answer. Was he truly alone on this planet? He wasn't sure.

" _Do not fret, child_ ," the voice whispered, and he felt a rush of relief spread through him, " _I am here. Wait a few moments, and you will see a black shuttle. Board it, and it will take you to my ship._ " He nodded, waiting eagerly. The planet was loud, with critters chirping and the sound of gushing water. His thoughts trailed back to the broken temple and the screams of his fellow Jedi-in-training. What had he done?

A small shuttle landed in front of him, and he gladly boarded, the noise of the planet overwhelming. The shuttle was dark and cold; he shivered in his Padawan clothes. There was a single pilot, his face covered with a white mask. He breathed deeply, trying to calm his erratic heart.

The shuttle floated near a Star Destroyer, hesitating for a moment before entering the maw of the ship. He waited eagerly, his leg bouncing, hands twitching. The ship landed, and the ramp extended.

He fell to his knees at the end of the ramp, frantically searching for his new master. Where was Master Snoke? His hands shook, the bloodstains dark and deep. He felt a hand on his shoulder, steadying and strong. He looked upwards to see Snoke, scarred and withered, with eyes like the darkness.

" _Master..._ " he said, clutching at his new master's robes. Master Snoke glanced at him in disgust, and he dropped his hands.

" _We have so much to do, my new apprentice_ ," his master whispered, and his entire body clenched. He had never heard the voice outside of his head before.

" _First, child, you need a new name. You shall be the first of a knighthood, which will carry out my orders across the galaxy. You shall be a Knight of Ren. Your name is now Kylo Ren. Rise, Kylo Ren._ "

Kylo Ren raised his head towards his master, eyes solemn and cold.

 

_His first days as Kylo Ren were filled with death and decay. He was Death, riding on his black steed to carry out the work of the Universe. He was bloody and dark and his mask shot fear through the hearts of people who saw it._

   


His shuttle landed on the asteroid field, his heart beating nervously as he initiated the landing sequence. Ben ran a hand through his hair as he glanced outside the cockpit, searching for Rey. This certain couple of asteroids had oxygen, a side effect of a secret Rebel Alliance base here.

He spotted her, standing in the shadow of the Millennium Falcon. She took that ship. Anger flickered through him before it quickly faded away. The ship landed, and the shuttle was open. Ben hesitated, standing on the edge of the ramp. There was no wind, no outside noise. It was Rey and him.

Ben stepped forward, and Rey's eyes met his. His heart hammered in his chest, and he was frozen in place. Her expression shifted, softer and yet more hardened. She seemed to be preparing for disappointment. He stepped out onto the asteroid, Rey mimicking his every movement. Soon, they were inches in front of each other, eye to eye.

"Ben," Rey said, her hands clenched at her side. Ben spotted the blaster sitting in her holster, her fingers only centimetres away from it. So she had kept true her promise.  
"It's just us," he said, and her fingers inched away from the blaster, her eyes trained on him.

She was as beautiful in person as in the bond. Her hair was tied up in her usual three-bun style, but she wore the same clothes as she did when they fought Snoke together. She had no lightsaber clipped to her belt, only the blaster.

"We need to talk," Rey said, and Ben nodded. They did need to talk. About their bond, how much stronger it was growing. How to stop it. That's what they were here for. But secretly, deep inside his mind, he wanted to talk about their kiss, in the forest.

"We do," Ben confirmed, and Rey's eyes fluttered. She seemed... unsure. But she relaxed, sitting on the surface of the planet in a cross-legged position. Ben fell to his knees too, sitting in a similar position to Rey.

"So, the bond. To figure out how to stop it, we have to figure out where it came from," Rey started, "It started with Snoke; he formed the bond. But when did it start? After Starkiller base, right? I think so. I don't know much about Force bonds, so I was hoping you would tell me about that." Rey slapped her knees anxiously, rubbing them as she waited for Ben to speak. Her eyes flickered from her legs to his face then back.

"Most bonds are formed during training, so the two training partners can share abilities more easily. Before ours, I had never heard of them stretching across great distances," Ben said, his eyes never wavering from Rey's. She dropped his gaze, looking vaguely at him.

"So this one is more powerful, right? It seems to be growing in power the longer it's active. We need to sever it before it grows even more. How do you sever bonds?" Rey asked, her hands clenching her knees.

"Are you okay?" Ben asked, gesturing to her hands. She looked at her hands, then back at him.

"I'm fine," she said, her eyes fluttering down. Ben kept his mind blank as he searched in the Force. He felt the presence of the two of them. She was bright in the Force, a star in the sky. But he felt a sliver of power, so he searched more. He felt the presence of dozens of people, lighting up in the Force.

_She had brought reinforcements._

He stood up, igniting his lightsaber. Rey only gazed into his eyes, hers dotted with small slivers of water. Was she crying? All he felt was anger, pumping through his chest.

"You brought the Resistance here!" he shouted, his lightsaber hanging limply at his side. She finally met his gaze, her eyes filling with desperation and fear. Fear of what? Of him? She reached within her ear and tore out a listening device, stomping it into the ground.

"If you run now, they'll never catch you. Hurry, Ben!" She said, grasping his arm. He glared at it before his features softened. She hadn't betrayed him. She hadn't left him.

"Rey," he whispered, and she gave him a look, soft and calm and kind. She stepped towards him, rolling her feet up and lightly kissed his lips. He hesitated for only a moment before kissing back. She pulled away, her gaze filled with... was that love? He didn't know.

"Leave, now!" she said, and he sprinted to his ship. He almost tripped rounding the corner into the cockpit, and he collapsed into the captain's chair. Firing up the launch sequence, he watched as Rey retreated into the Millennium Falcon. His ship rocked, and his dashboard told him of damage to the engines. Blast. He was grounded. At least he could go out fighting. Ben ignited his lightsaber, taking his stance, and waited for the onslaught.

Ben thought of Rey, in the few minutes it took for the Resistance to board him. Of her lips, soft and sweet on his. Of her words, how she looked at him when she had yelled at him. What did he really want? The First Order? Hux and murder and crying children as he slaughtered families? For the first time in six years, he doubted the dark side.  
First came the blaster bolts, but he blocked them easily, sending the red beams of light flying. Next came the barrage; Resistance members came into the shuttle, still in tight formation, shooting at him. Ben blocked the blaster bolts, some shooting Resistance members in the shoulders or arms. Suddenly, Rey's words came to mind.

_"You don't have to cling to your past just because it's the only life you've ever known."_

Ben shut off his lightsaber, clipping it to his belt. The Resistance stared in awe as he slowly got to his knees, holding his hands up. A sliver of light came through the cockpit, shining on him.

"I surrender," said Ben Solo.

 

_Surrender. When you surrender, you give yourself up to chance. To fate. To the mercy of others. He had surrendered once before, to Snoke. He had surrendered because of hate. Now, he surrenders because of soft eyes and softer lips._

   


Pain flared in his nose as knuckles collided with it, and Kylo Ren spits out blood. Poe Dameron shook his hand, wiping the residue blood on his pants.

"Say something!" Dameron shouted, but Kylo Ren just glared into his eyes. Dameron grunted in frustration, before winding back his arm and punching Kylo again.

"Why did you surrender? Where is the First Order stationed? Just say something!" Dameron exclaimed, a hint of desperation in his voice. Kylo spits at Dameron's feet, staining his shoes with blood. Dameron furrowed his brows before leaving the cell, shutting the last sliver of light Kylo had.

He was in darkness.

Kylo curled up on the small cot the Resistance so kindly provided for him. He wouldn't fit stretched out, so he balled himself up. He was effectively blind, with no light in the small cell. So he closed his eyes, thinking.

How did the Resistance find out about his special bond with Rey? How did the find out about the meeting? What had they done to coerce her into setting a trap? If Kylo had to guess, he would say that Poe Dameron probably forced her to set up the trap.

Another important question was were they watching him? He was unable to search his cell, seeing as there was no light in the room. It was probable, almost definite. So they were watching him. Were they also listening? Probable. So every action he did and every word he spoke would tell them everything.

Did they block the use of his Force? He knew it was possible, certain materials blocked the Force, just like how certain materials amplified the Force. But did the Resistance know of these materials? Only one way to find out.

He tried to fall into the Force, channel it to amplify himself. But no matter how far he reached, it was impossible. He felt like a part of himself was missing, a limb. And it made his hands shake.

So they cut him off from the Force. Did that cut him off from the bond? He wouldn't be able to know; he had no control over the bond. But soon, his question was answered, as he heard amplified breathing while all other sound faded.

"Ben," Rey whispered, appearing in front of him. He glanced up at her. She seemed to bring light with her; his room was suddenly a tiny bit brighter. He could see. He blinked away the darkness.

"Rey," Ben whispered back, afraid of Dameron or another member of the Resistance hearing him. Her expression turned pitiful as she saw him curled on a cot, unable to stretch out less a quarter of his body be on the cold floor.

"Are they with you?" he whispered, his eyes wide from paranoia. She bent down next to him, watching the blood slide down his nose onto his lips.

"No, I'm alone. What happened?" she asked, pointing at the blood. He wiped it off, then glanced up at Rey.

"Dameron," he said, growing more confident by the second. Maybe they couldn't hear him. And if they could, they'd only hear one half of the conversation.

"He punched you?" she asked, incredulous.

"Twice," he answered. She looked shocked. He sat up on the cot, watching her every movement.

"I... don't doubt it. He really hates the First Order," she said, her eyes shifting to the wall. What was she looking at? There was silence between them, then she got up and poked her finger at the wall. She seemed to be doing something on her side. She finished, then ran and fell down beside him, brushing the hair out of his eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, and for a moment he was stunned because it was so vastly different from how she was acting before.

"Yes," he responded, gazing at her. She ran her hands through his hair, then she reached behind her and grabbed a cloth, which she washed his blood away with. Her hands were soft in his hair, soft on his face. His chest filled with a pang, an emotion he couldn't recognise. He hadn't felt this emotion for so long. Had he ever felt it? She scooted closer so that she was holding his head, his face against her chest, her on her knees, him sitting.

"I'm sorry, I tried to warn you," she whispered into his hair, and he was blank, his arms hanging limply at his sides. What was he suppose to do here? She was holding him so tenderly, so soft. Was he supposed to wrap his arms around her? He wasn't sure. So he did nothing.

"But they found out about the bond. I couldn't stop it. So they forced me to set a trap. I'm sorry," she murmured into his hair, her hands gently caressing him. Finally, he slid his arms around her, reciprocating the action. She smiled into his hair.

They stayed like that for a bit, wrapped in each other, until Rey's head shot up and she quickly let go. He watched as she smiled at him before the bond faded away, leaving him alone.

 

_Were they truly enemies now? Yes, and no. They had grown closer in these few weeks then he had ever imagined. He never thought he would feel warmth again until he saw her._

   


_"Dad, can you tell me a story?"_

_  
"I've told you so many, sweetheart. I think I've run out of stories."_

_  
"No, Mum always says you can't run out of stories!"_

_  
"Well, anything Mom says is law. What kind of story?"_

_  
"A story about you! And Mum! You never tell those kinds of stories."_

_  
"You wouldn't like those kinds of stories."_

_  
"Come on! Please!"_

_  
"If you insist. Once upon a time, there was a boy. This boy was young, and foolish, and lost. He found an evil man, and the boy worked for the man for a long time. Then, he met a girl in a forest. So he swept up the girl and took her away to his castle. The girl was afraid because she didn't want to leave her friends. So she yelled at the boy, and the boy tried to reach into her mind-"_

_  
"Mum says you're not supposed to do that."_

_  
"That's correct. But the boy was under the evil man's control, so he did whatever the evil man said. The boy tried to reach into the girl's mind, and instead, she reached into his. He was awed, so he went away. The girl escaped his castle and ran with her friends into the forest. There, she found the boy, and the boy and her friend fought. But she used the Force, and with her lightsaber, she battled the boy. The boy was so in awe of the girl, he forgot how to fight and she cut open his face. The girl ran away with her friends, and she left the boy in the forest. The end."_

_  
"Wow. Is the boy you and the girl Mum?"_

_  
"Yes."_

_  
"You didn't tell me that you were enemies, Dad."_

_  
"Didn't I? Hmm, I think I did!"_

__  
  
_"Dad! Tickling through the Force is cheating!"_

   


_"Is it?"_

  


_"Yes!"_

_  
"What does Mom say?"_

_  
"She says it's cheating!"_

_  
"Okay. How come you never tell any stories about you and Mum?"_

_  
"Because the stories are very sad, sweetheart. And nobody wants sad stories."_

_  
"Okay. Can you tell me the story of how Great-Uncle Luke and Grandpa met Grandma again?"_

_  
"Of course. Once upon a time, there was a moisture farmer..."_

 

_Stories. They're all just stories, in the end, he thinks. What will his story be? Death and destruction? Or a lost boy hoping for better?_

 

He didn't know how long he was in the cell. It could've been days, weeks. The Force was weakened in here, and he was unable to open the bond to speak to Rey.

He was well and truly alone.

A bright light shined through the open door, causing him to close his eyes. He hissed, the pain of the light hurting him. The shadow in the doorway waited for his eyes to recover before speaking.

"You are extremely lucky," Poe Dameron said, and he squinted at the shadow. "Rey convinced us that you were the one to kill Snoke and that you could be a useful addition to fight the First Order. So, you're being let free. On probation. If you make a single move against the Resistance, I'll shoot you on sight. Rey's volunteered to be your guardian, and I personally don't think she's the best option. But she is the only person with the Force. Get up, Kylo Ren. You're free." He was shocked. Rey convinced the entirety of the Resistance that he was the one to kill Snoke? She told them the truth, and they listened? As he pushed himself to his feet, he contemplated it. Poe Dameron grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the cell, bringing him into the blinding light. He stumbled, but a soft and steadying hand caught him.

Ben looked into the eyes of his equal, his opposite. Rey. Her expression was stone, but her eyes were full of emotion. He was trapped in her gaze, the lines behind her blurring. They are two sides of the same coin, in this small touch. His past becomes a blur at her touch, her soothing, searing, cleansing touch. He's turned to dust, to ash, anew at her touch.

Rey's eyes look past him, at Dameron, and she helps Ben to his feet. His legs were shaky, weak from the weeks without walking. She looked at him with pity, sympathy and he would've killed whoever looked at him like that except that it was her. And so he didn't.

Dameron pulled Rey to the side and whispered as Ben's eyes slowly adjusted to the light. The hallway they were in was filled with rows of doors. He assumed it was a hallway of bedrooms.

"Where are we going?" Ben asked, his voice raspy from not using it. He hadn't spoken a word in weeks.

"To get food," Rey replied. Ben's stomach flipped at the mention of food. He had been eating scraps for the past couple of weeks. Is this what Rey felt like, on Jakku? Never feeling quite satisfied? He didn't think he'd survive it. She must've been stronger than he realised.

When they walked through the cafeteria doors, the room fell silent. Ben felt hundreds of eyes on him, mixed with hate and fear. A smaller, darker side of him revelled in the negative, rolled in their fear. But all Ben could see was Rey's expression, eyebrows furrowed, eyes cold as stone. Was she afraid to show them how much she cared for him? Maybe.

The other members of the Resistance gave them a wide berth as he walked up to grab his food. The server slapped food onto his tray, whispering "murderer" as he picked up the tray. He spotted an empty table and stepped towards it. The Resistance scooted away, so he was the only one in a twenty-foot radius. Ben sat down, Rey opposite him, and began to dig into his food.

The simple meal that the Resistance provided tasted like a slice of heaven. He was amazed at how such a simple meal tasted so good. Rey had a look on her face as she observed him. If he wasn't sure, he would call it amusement.

"I would've added a touch of garlic to the starch," Ben commented as he inhaled another bite. Rey's eyebrow raised in confusion.

"You know how to cook?" she asked, trying to hide a smile. The entire cafeteria was silent as they listened in on their exchange.

"Yes. I learned from my parents. Surprisingly, Han Solo was a good cook," Ben replied, poking the veggies with his fork. Rey let out a laugh before falling silent once again.

"Really?" Rey smiled, and Ben felt a warmth spread through him.

"No. He was a horrible cook. I learned by myself." He smiled at her, and she let out another laugh. Despite their audience, he felt at peace eating here with Rey. The warmth lingered as she grinned.

The entire cafeteria was frozen as they watched the exchange. Ben glanced towards Dameron and his friends, eyes wide in shock. He felt satisfaction. Let them watch. He didn't care.

"Maybe you could make your own meals," Rey said, a slight glitter of happiness in her eyes. Ben shrugged, his gaze falling to the food.

"Do you have any salt?" he asked, and Rey started looking around the table, searching for salt. She reached forward and grabbed a salt-shaker, then gave it to him. Ben sprinkled the salt, then put it down.

The conversation lulled to a comfortable silence as he continued to eat.

He couldn't stop staring into Rey's eyes.

 

_He was a prisoner, an experiment. The great and mighty Kylo Ren pulled down to shy glances across the table. By a scavenger that the world had abandoned. Two opposites. A broken man with a hero's background. And a strong woman with a villain's background. Why did they connect instead of colliding?_

 

He pulled himself to his knees, his movements shaky. The waves crashed against his legs, almost making him collapse against the sea. He heard a sharp smack beside him, and a hand reached out. He took it, and the hand pulled him out of the ocean. His daughter rushed to him, squeezing him tight. He clutched at her, his daughter, his pride and joy.

" _Daddy_ ," she whispered against his soaked clothes. He let out a laugh as he held her close. Finally, he glanced at his saviour.

It was his wife. She had come back for them. Her eyebrows were furrowed in anger and concentration, but her eyes were filled with love.

" _Rey_ ," he said, his breath taken away. How long had it been? Too long, he knew. The unconscious bodies of Hux and his stormtroopers laid in the sand.  


" _Hello, my love_ ," she said, throwing her staff onto the ground. He embraced his wife, tears of happiness streaming down his face. She melted against him, her lips bruising against his. His daughter was crushed between them, and she made a noise of complaint.

" _Sorry_ ," he said, laughter spilling from his lips. His wife smiled as she picked up her daughter, rubbing their noses together. They were together again, he thought as he watched his daughter and wife.

His wife put his daughter down, and her eyes flickered towards the bodies beside them, the waves crashing against their boots. He met her eyes, and the two dragged the bodies to higher land.

" _I'll call him, have them picked up_ ," she said, and he nodded. His daughter tugged at his pants, and he bent down to pick her up.

The three walked up the path, leaving the bodies behind.

 

_Family. He hadn't had a family in so long. Was that what he longed for? Companionship? Somebody to spend his life with? Someone who he could raise, love, cherish? Maybe._

   


Ben woke to an arm slung across him, a hand on his cheek. The silence of the room was stark, and Ben could feel the tendrils of the Force wrapped around him. The bond was open. So the person whose breath was currently tickling his chest had to be Rey. Her right arm was wrapped around him, her fingers resting on his spine. Her left hand was resting against his cheek. She breathed evenly, telegraphing sleep. He tenderly lifted his left hand from around her, tangling it in her hair. She shifted, and he froze, his breathing suspended. But she only pulled his arm closer to her, and soon he remembered to breathe again.

He hadn't forgotten last time they woke entangled in each other's arms. But he hoped she wouldn't leave again.

What would Snoke think of him now? What would he think? He used to be the boy, standing in front of the flames, the memory burned into his brain. But his burns were soothed by the cool touch of Rey. He was healing, he realised. The process might've been slow, but he was healing.

Rey's breathing grew uneven, and he knew she was awake. His hand, resting against her back, clenched in fear. But her breathing grew even again, and she started to stroke his back, trace her fingers across his spine, mapping out his scars. They said nothing, instead, they stayed in each other's arms.

The bond started to fizzle, and Ben found himself not wanting to let go. He clutched at Rey until she faded in his arms.

And he was alone.

The room they had provided him with was threadbare, with broken sheets and a too-small bed. He assumed it was Dameron's doing; the man was incredibly unhappy during the few weeks Ben had been freed. Rey had been forced to stay with Ben for his every waking moment. They assumed she was the only one that could restrain him if he "attacked the Resistance". But Ben didn't mind. They spent their days pouring over the old Jedi texts, sparring and spending time in each other's company.

Rey and Ben's relationship with each other was fragile. He battled with the dark side, but his days were brighter when Rey was there.

Ben got up from his bed, pulling on his tunic and boots. He punched in the code near the door and waited patiently for Rey to arrive.

She smiled when the door opened, and his mouth twitched upwards. He stepped into the hallway, and the door closed behind him. She nodded at him, and he rose his arms as she checked him for weapons or anything that could be used as one. They walked towards the cafeteria together, their fingers brushing against each other.

They made it halfway down the corridor before Dameron appeared, out of breath and trying to catch his breath. Rey's eyebrows shot into her hairline, and her hand hovered over her lightsaber.

"The First Order found us," Dameron panted out, and a jolt of shock coursed through Ben. Rey took out her lightsaber.

"I need you on the front lines. Both of you." Dameron glared pointedly at Ben before tossing him his old lightsaber. The weight of it was familiar in his hands. Rey watched in awe as Ben ignited the lightsaber; it hummed and crackled in power.

Red lights blared and sirens echoed through the hallways. Rey led Ben through the corridors of the Resistance base. Members scattered through the corridors, some holding blasters, others evacuating. Ben ran into the traitor-no, his name was Finn, Rey had said, and another girl with a mechanic's jumpsuit on.

"Finn, Rose!" Rey called, and the two girls embraced for a second.

"Glad to have you, Rey," Finn said, his grip on his blaster tightened at the sight of Ben. Rey followed his gaze, and her expression softened.

"He's on our side now. Ben, meet Rose. You know Finn already." Rey gestured to Finn and Rose. Ben nodded in greeting, and Finn's grip on his blaster loosening slightly. Rose waved.

"I love the introductions, but we have to get to the front lines," Dameron said, pushing Finn and Rey forward. Their expressions hardened, and the five of them ran towards the entrance to the base.

The clearing was large, trees surrounding the base. Stormtroopers emerged from the trees, stopping in front of the base.

A wave of stormtroopers stood, their ranks seemingly endless. Ben spotted the hovering shuttle near the 'troopers. He knew that Hux was there. Suddenly, the speakers from the shuttle blared, crackling as a voice spoke out of it.

"We have you trapped, Resistance scum. We know you have Kylo Ren captive. Bring him to us, and perhaps we won't destroy you utterly," Hux said through the speakers, and Ben's knuckles turned white. Nobody said a word, and Hux sighed into the speakers.

"Have it your way." The speakers crackled as they were shut off. The stormtroopers started to fire, and Rey ignited her lightsaber. blocking the blaster bolts at inhuman speeds. Ben hid in the trenches, uncertain. Suddenly, he felt a hand upon his shoulder.

Poe Dameron nodded his head, his trademark smirk on his face. Ben felt frozen, surprised. He jerked his head towards Rey, then let go of Ben. A surge of confidence coursed through Ben.

He jumped out of the trench, and he could practically feel Hux's shock through the Force. Ben pushed forward, that battle adrenaline rushing through him. He felt alive as he took one step in front of the other, Rey at his side. He heard a roaring yell from Dameron, and the Resistance attacked.

The First Order was no match for them. Rey and Ben twirled around each other as they battled stormtroopers. Dameron was shooting down 'troopers left and right, and Rose and Finn were taking on a couple themselves.

Electricity crackled in the air as Rose threw a device, which shocked a line of stormtroopers, paralysing them. Rey shouted at Ben, who was on the opposite side of the line. He nodded, and she threw the lightsaber. It flew through the stormtroopers until Ben caught it. He smirked as he threw it back to Rey, the blue kyber crystal casting a glow upon the white helmets. The stormtroopers collapsed to the floor as Dameron shouted, pumping his fist in the air. Rey laughed at the sight, before thrusting her lightsaber into another stormtrooper.

The battle didn't last long. Ben pushed his lightsaber into another stormtrooper, yelling as he threw the body into the lump of bodies nearby. His vision has gone red, and he slashed again and again and again. Snoke's voice whispered in his head, encouraging him. And then he heard Rey.

"Ben! It's okay Ben, it's okay. The battle's over, it's okay. Shh," she said, and he turned to her, panting and sweaty. Her eyes were full of concern, and Ben could see the panic on the others' faces.

Rey approached him, and all thoughts were suspended. He dropped his lightsaber, still high on adrenaline.

"We did it," he breathed out, and Rey's laugh was mixed with relief and adrenaline. She glanced around them as if suddenly realising that the battle was over. Ben smiled, and she grabbed his collar and pulled him down to her, crashing her lips against his. It felt like fire, like lightning, like storms and flames and it was electrifying. Ben fell into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Rey. He could feel the shock of the others through the Force, but he didn't care. All he cared about was Rey's lips against his.

"I love you," he gasped, and she pulled away from him, their noses only a millimetre apart.

"I know," she responded, "I love you too."

   


_He had stood against the First Order, against everything he had ever believed in. Because he had found new belief, he had found a new religion in a scavenger from nothing. She was his belief, his goddess, his partner in the Force. And he didn't regret anything._

   


A fire burned around him, the ashes of the throne room glittering in the air. Rey stared into his eyes, unshed tears shining.

" _Please_ ," he begged, his hand outstretched. Her hand slipped out before she took it. His heart seemed to sing, to pump and beat with such an intensity he thought he was going to die. But she twisted his arm, and he fell to the floor from the weight.

" _Thank you, Ren_ ," Rey said, her voice husky and deep. A rush of fear flew through him. He heard Snoke's laughing, and he turned his head towards the throne. Snoke's eyes were wide open, his legs standing upwards while his torso hovered centimetres above him.

" _Good, my apprentice_ ," Snoke whispered, and Rey smiled at him viciously as she dug her heel into his thigh. He squeaked from the pain, still uncomfortably contorted from her twisting.

What was going on? She was wearing stilettos, and a black outfit weirdly reminiscent of his own. But the darkness in her eyes, he'd never seen that before. In fact, everything about her stance, her posture, her expression, was indescribably disturbing. It sent shivers down his spine.

" _This was a test, Ben Solo_ ," Rey said, spitting out the words, like Hux. He recoiled at the sound of his name in that tone of voice. " _And you failed._ "

" _Failed?_ " he said, and the heel dug even further into his thigh. He winced as blood trickled down his thigh. She took out his red lightsaber, and turned it on, aiming it at his throat.

" _Don't speak. You failed the Supreme Leader. You failed me._ " The lightsaber hovered over his bowcaster wound, and she touched the tip to his skin. He screamed in agony as the lightsaber burned his flesh. Snoke laughed again, a sound filled with no joy.

" _Rey_ ," he gasped, air spilling from his lungs. Snoke's hand curled into a fist as he choked, Rey hovering the lightsaber centimetres from his flesh. Snoke's grip released, and he sucked in air before the lightsaber punctured him again, causing him to scream.

" _You are no longer the Master of the Knights, Ben Solo. You need to be taught a lesson. Never underestimate the power of the dark side_ ," Rey whispered in his ear, her fingers digging into his scalp. He winced again, and she smiled wickedly before her lightsaber dug into his skin.

His screams echoed through the throne room.

 

_He was a slave to his pain, slave to the dark side. Is that his true fear? That he'll never be free of it?_

 

Ben gasped, his hand going to his throat. When he realised he was awake, his head fell to the pillows as he caught his breath. Rey's wide eyes were on him, and she traced her hand down to his bowcaster scar, where he was clutching. She didn't say a word, just hiked her leg and wrapped it around his. The skin on skin contact helped ground him back to reality. He breathed in time with her.

"You okay?" she asked, her eyes filled with concern. It wasn't unusual these days. He often woke after a nightmare. But now, she was there to calm him.

"Just a bad dream," he responded. The Resistance base was silent at this time of night. After a full day of destroying the last remains of the First Order, they needed their rest.

"Okay." Rey's hand trailed down his chest onto his bare hips, then she interlaced her hand with his. He smiled at her, and she rested her head on his chest, breathing in time with him.

Their walk to the mess hall was interrupted by Dameron, who rushed down the corridor. Ben watched as he skidded to a stop in front of them, out of breath.

"Your trial has concluded," Dameron said, and for once in his life, he looked happy to see Ben. He leaned against the wall, trying to hide how nervous he felt.

" _And?_ " Ben asked, squeezing Rey's hand. Dameron smiled a real smile.

"You've been exiled!" Dameron said, glee in every inch of his face. Rey raised an eyebrow in confusion, but relief surrounded Ben. He wouldn't be executed. He wouldn't die. Not today. He would be _free._

"How is that good news?" Rey asked, and Dameron took her hand, squeezing it hard. Two weeks ago, Ben would've felt jealousy. But after last night, he knew that Rey was with him. So he stayed silent.

"No execution. He'll live, but in the Unknown Reaches for the rest of his life. They actually have a planet picked out. It's mostly a water planet, with a few large islands. Even has a small population. It's pretty nice, actually," Dameron explained, and as he talked it seemed to dawn on Rey that Ben would live. She turned to him, eyes and smile bright. She let go of Dameron's hand as she pulled Ben down, crushing herself against him. Ben laughed as he picked her up and twirled her around, the reality of the situation hitting him. Ben put Rey down, finally pulling himself from her lips.

Dameron seemed excited, and Ben wondered if he had forgiven him. Dameron met his eyes and nodded. There was solidarity, a hint of friendship in those eyes. Maybe they could be friends, one day.

"Thank you, Poe," Rey said, her joy contagious. Dameron turned to her.

"Thank Solo here. He fought for his freedom. And his compliance certainly helped," Dameron responded. Rey let go of Ben long enough to hug Dameron, and the older man squeezed her in reply.

Ben had a sudden thought. An island, with a small population. His dreams floated through his mind, of a little girl with dark hair, playing in the sand. He felt like he'd been struck with lightning. Ben stared at Rey, incredulous. But she only smiled at him, not seeming to notice his shocked expression in her joy. She turned back towards Dameron.

"When do we go there?" she asked, and Dameron's expression turned sour. He sighed before replying.

"You have to stay here. We still need your help cleaning up the First Order. We don't know how long that will take. Maybe months. Maybe years." Rey's joy diminished, and she turned to Ben. He shook himself out of his frozen state to respond.

"It's okay. You can still visit, right?" Ben looked to Dameron for confirmation, and he nodded. Rey seemed crestfallen, but Ben remembered that day, a million years ago, when as he stared at the corpse of his fallen master she had run to her friends.

"I don't want to leave you," Rey whispered, and Ben embraced her quickly before letting her go. He knew her troubles, much like she knew his.

"You're not abandoning me. You can still visit, and when the war is over, we can live there. I'll build us a house, and we can stay there. It's okay," he said. She nodded. He knew her. Knew she couldn't abandon her friends. And they were her friends. She was good, and she stood by her ideals. That's what he loved about her.

"Okay," Rey said, wrapping her arms around Ben. He melted into the touch, all his emotions from the past couple of minutes flowing through him. He was free. He was free. _He was free._

 

_He was free. Free to live, with her by his side. His past still haunted him. He could never quite let go of the dark side. But he was free. He was alive._

 

Ben walked down a beaten path, holding his little girl in his arms. His makeshift sling was heavy on his back, but her smile when she looked up at him from her sling was worth the world.

The steps down to the landing pad were long, but as the wind blew through him, he kept going. He placed his hand on the rock, and he saw the Millennium Falcon, the engines still cooling.

He waited on the landing pad, waited for the ramp to descend. The Falcon groaned as the ramp descended, and Ben saw his wife, Rey, appear from the Falcon. She lit up at the sight of them, and she rushed over.

"Hello sweetheart," Ben said, and she laughed before kissing him, being sure to not squish the bundle wrapped to his chest. He sighed into her lips, and she murmured a hello before pulling away.

"Hello Elise," Rey murmured, tickling the little girl's feet. Elise's chuckles brought an even bigger smile to Rey's face. She glanced at Ben before lifting her daughter into her arms. Ben felt that warmth spread through him again, a warmth he felt when he was with Rey.

"How has she been? It's been too long," Rey asked.

"Two months. And she's been fine. Likes to keep me up at night," Ben replied fondly. Rey's eyes darkened for a second before she brightened up again. He knew how she felt. Leaving her newborn baby for two months had been rough. It certainly had been rough for him. But they were together now.

"What do you want to do?" Ben asked, and Rey's smile was genuine this time.

"Hold my daughter in my arms. And maybe my husband," she responded. Ben smiled as he leaned against her, burying his face in her neck.

"You look so awkward," she said, and he laughed.

The three of them walked back towards the house. Ben felt at home. How long had it been since he's felt love, before Rey? His parents? Maybe. What would Han Solo think of his granddaughter? He would probably spoil her, take her for rides across the galaxy. What would Leia Organa think of her granddaughter? She would teach her many things, hold her when she was lonely? What would Luke Skywalker think? He would teach her the ways of the Force, probably. Ben knew for certain three things.

One, his parents and his uncle would love Elise almost as much as he did.

Two, he missed them.

Three, they would be proud of him.

So while he made dinner, while Rey played with Elise, he thought of his family. Three generations of heartbreak, of tragedy intermixed with moments of joy. A sad story from the beginning. But hope had shone through, had gently taken Luke Skywalker's hand as he closed his eyes and pressed the button that would kickstart the Rebellion. Hope had entered Anakin Skywalker's head in his last moments of living, had planted the thought of family, of love; Anakin Skywalker had turned to the light, saved what he loved. Hope had connected Ben and Rey and showed them what it meant to never be lonely again.

There was a sharp knock at the door, and Ben opened it. Poe Dameron, Finn, and Rose smiled from the other side of the door.

"Welcome, come in," Ben ushered them in, and the three entered, bringing gifts for Elise and appetizers. Ben shook Poe and Finn's hands as they entered, then quickly hugged Rose.

The five of them entered a comfortable small talk as Ben finished cooking dinner, talking about anything from Elise to how Finn, Rose, and Rey had wiped out what they thought was one of the last First Order's cells. How Hux was still on the loose, but wow Elise looks so cute in that outfit, Ben.

"Dinner's ready," he announced, and the five of them sat down at the table, Elise sitting in her high chair. She gurgled and sputtered noise, and Rose cooed over her. Once again, Ben had a feeling spread through him. This felt right.

Rey passed around the containers, and everybody piled food onto their plates. They fell into silence as they ate.

"This is amazing, Ben," Finn mumbled around his food. Poe and Rose made noises of agreement.

"Thanks," Ben replied, and silence fell once again. Poe was the first to finish, and he quickly piled more onto his plate.

"So, we think that the last of the First Order cells will be cleaned up within the next couple of months," Poe said, and Rey looked excitedly at Ben. He felt relief flood through him.

"That means that Rey can come home permanently, right?" Ben asked, and Finn nodded. Joy coursed through Ben, and he smiled. "Thank you."

Rey curled against him, her breath on his spine. The night was already fallen. Her hands rested against him, and he felt peaceful. If Ben listened carefully, he could hear Elise's breathing from her cot.

Ben fell into a deep sleep, and he had no nightmares for the rest of the night.

 

_Once upon a time, there was a boy named Ben Solo. He felt abandoned, so he turned to the dark side, becoming Kylo Ren. But the love of a girl from Jakku, Rey, brought him to the light. And they lived together, their destinies entwined._

**Author's Note:**

> Well... after three months and 100 kilobytes of words, I have finally finished this monstrosity. When I walked into the theatre in December of 2017, I never thought I would come out of the theatre so shaken. I found a ship, a ship that had basically taken over my life. I first started to write Reylo (not on paper) three months ago. I tried to write an epic story, of love and redemption and the nature of balance. I tried to write the epic stories I often see from Reylo writers. I hope I succeeded. When I started this, I didn't think it would grow so big. I wanted to write a story about dreams, about connection. I've always imagined Ben Solo as a man that had been scarred on the inside as well as the outside. A man hiding behind a monstrous mask. I hope I (and Rey) convinced him to take off the mask. And I hope that Rey has learned how to love through this fic. No matter what anyone else says, Rey is the more dominant one in their relationship. I stand by that. And I hope you enjoy it, dear reader! Your comments and kudos mean the world to me, encourage me to write more and more. So please, comment your questions! 
> 
> To 2019, fellow Reylos. Hopefully, I'll see you again soon.
> 
> -audbooh


End file.
